Posted in encouragement, faith, family, keeping it real, Melanie, moments of truth, Uncategorized

Let’s begin again….

It’s been 2 years, 3 months and 25 days ago that I last wrote on my blog. That post, One more Step, was about the loss of my sister, Melanie. This new post will make more sense if you read that one first.

That last post sure sounded like a positive person had written it.  But, I was anything and everything but positive. I was hurting. Through all these months I wanted to share the truth of what my heart was feeling, but I couldn’t. I tried…well, not really,  but I wanted to. The words just wouldn’t come. Most days blogging was the furthest thing from my mind, but there were also days I had a lot to say. Thankfully I knew better, because I am pretty sure none of it was worth saying.  Most of it was sad words and wouldn’t have been a benefit to anyone…most especially me.

I’ve enjoyed writing for most of  my life…I am not a scholar or an English major.  I am just me, a person who likes to write the things I see going on around me, my life, my family and God.  It actually brings me joy to share my life.  So, when I allowed my joy to wane, blogging was the first to go.  I actually let go of everything that brought me joy.  I could put on a good face, learned to be a great faker. I built a wall, a tall and thick wall.  There were very few that were allowed into the fortress I had built around me…and those few were only allowed at the door, no one was allowed all the way in.  I didn’t want anyone to know the pain and hurt I was hiding….I wasn’t allowing anyone to see that I was hurt and vulnerable.  I was afraid to show the weaker side of who I am.  But, alas….after these years of building a wall I am finally breaking it down.  It’s gonna take a while, but I am slowing allowing people in to see the vulnerable me.

My hope is that in the days and weeks to come I am able to share my heartache and struggle with others.  I want to write words of encouragement and  I hope that my story of loss will benefit others going through a similar situation.  Loss is hard.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.  All of us deal with it in different ways. God created each of us with a unique personality and that allows us to deal with things differently.  My way might not be the ‘right’ way or your way, but I can learn from you and hopefully you can learn from me.

My heart ached aches at the loss of my sister.  It’s been a long journey to get to where I am today….I am at a point of understanding. Understanding that His ways are higher than mine…that He knew her time here was complete.

So, reflecting back on the blog post from March 24, 2015 (31 days after Melanie passed away) I want to say ‘dance, little sister, dance.  And today I mean it sincerely.

Winnie

Posted in family, Melanie, memories, sisters

One More Step

I found this song and immediately fell in love with it. One More Step-Lindsay McCaul

Truth be told ~ I cried like a baby!  It reminded me so much of my sister, Melanie.

We did life together…I mean, everything.  We would talk or text every day…we prayed together in the morning, we argued and fought, she was my sandpaper and I was hers. We were always there for each other, walked through this life together.  She was the most beautiful person I know and I was blessed to spend my life as her sister and best friend.

In the last few months of her life she would often talk about what it would be like in heaven, who she would see, how she couldn’t wait to see God and she wanted to dance.

One day when we were sitting in her living room she asked me if I thought she would know all the steps. I asked her what steps and she said to her dance in heaven.  I told she would, it would be natural and she would be very good at it. A few days before she passed away she took the hands of one of her nurses and danced the best she could from her hospital bed. She swayed their hands, moved her feet and shook her shoulders.  She was really enjoying her little dance and then she looked at me and said ‘this is how I will dance in heaven.’

It wasn’t too many days later and she left earth and took One More Step onto heavens streets……

And then she danced!

Winnie

Check out Lindsay’s music!  You will be blessed!

Posted in devotions, encouragement, Melanie, sisters

Upside Down~Inside Out

Our lives have been a little topsy turvy for the last few months.  

Life has been turned upside down and inside out for me with the death of my best friend and baby sister, Melanie.  We are home now and I am working to find my ‘new normal’.  

I found this devotion in my email and it gave me some encouragement today.  

Everyone can use a little encouragement……


This is from Christine Caine’s First Things First email devotion:

Life will eventually turn every person upside down, inside out. No one is immune.

The day that I unexpectedly found out that I was adopted was one of those times. For thirty-three years I thought I was someone else, and then, just like that, I discovered I was not who I thought I was.

But just as life will upend us, so will love.

God’s love, which knows us and claimed us before we were even born, can take us beyond ourselves, as it did Jesus, who left heaven to go to the cross and pass through the grave in order to bring us back home. His love can bring us through emotional earthquakes.

Love like Christ’s can lift us out of betrayal and hurt. It can deliver us from any mess.

Lean into and receive the unconditional, unfailing, indescribable love of our precious Savior. When all else is shaken and fails, HIS LOVE never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)

His Love never fails!

~Winnie~